The Wife Look….

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“If at first you don’t succeed. Try doing it the way your wife told you.”

If you are a married man then you are probably well aware of the “wife” look. They come in varying fashions and degrees, but all basically are telling you one simple thing…..you are being an idiot. Most wives are nice enough to be polite and say something like “Honey, did you think this out” or some other polite statement. Unless of course we hit one of the higher degrees of the “look”, in which case they normally feel free to tell us we are being idiots.

I bring this up because I experienced the “wife look” recently. I know some of you that know me probably figure I get the “wife look” on a quite regular basis and probably at least daily. I must admit I do get the lesser degrees of the “look” on a regular basis, but the recent look was a higher degree look. In fact, it happened on two higher degrees. The second, I was happy that she was experiencing a migraine, otherwise I may have been in pain myself, but moving to hurt me would take too much effort.

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“A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.” – Milton Berle

For the wives that read this blog, what will follow will probably not surprise you and in fact you will probably agree with the degrees of looks I got and the inclination she had to cause me harm. To get this out of the way…I am a man…. Yes, yes, I know this is a surprising revelation, but I state this because as George Carlin said “Women are crazy and men are stupid and the reason women are crazy is because men are stupid”.

So after my parents passed both whom were in their 60s, my wife made me promise her that she would get at least 50 years of marriage out of me. I still have approximately 30 years left in the contract until apparently I even have an option of leaving this earth. Even then, I think she expects me to ask permission first. I did not realize this contract also included a mandatory maintenance program that would assure she would get the required mileage out of her husband. I think there may be other hidden things in this contract, and in the contract that I signed almost 20 years ago. Things like eating “healthy” by her definition not mine. Regular exercise, that again is by her definition not mine. As well as other conditions that apparently are defined by her standards not mine.

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“In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.” – Woody Allen

So I have to monitor my blood pressure at home because I have what they termed “white coat syndrome”. What this means, is that my blood pressure does not like doctor offices, which I quite agree with my blood pressure on this matter. So I take it at home to get an accurate reading. Now, I have a bit of a scientific approach to things….hmm that is not quite accurate… I have a “curiousity” about things, and thus will utilize the device to determine other reactions to my pulse and blood pressure. Effects of caffeine, working out etc. Hey, if I paid for this device then I am going to use it for more than just checking my blood pressure for the doctor.

Anyway, so over past little while I will get light headed spells from time to time, moments of dazing out etc. Typical life stuff. Over past couple weeks I have had headaches, which I rarely ever get headaches but they were frequent past couple weeks. Various other little symptoms over the past couple weeks. Notice I say symptoms. Slight uncomfortableness in chest…etc. I, of course, being a man blew these symptoms off. Especially given the physical activity I do and things like pulling out posts and pounding in posts for signs etc. A little discomfort is to be expected. I should also state that I have not been taking my blood pressure the way I should the past short bit but the last readings were fluxing between pre-hypertension and hypertension.

 

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The snapshots you take of your husband are always more flattering than the ones he takes of you.
Murphy’s Second Law for Wives

What drew my attention was Thursday around noon I got light headed and dizzy, etc. I ate a little something there at work, but it did not pass. So I figured well, what I need is some protein. So I went and got myself something more substantial to eat that contained protein. Still, after eating the symptoms had not passed, which if it was due to a blood sugar drop they should shortly after eating. I went back to work and noticed cognitive degradation. Inability to focus, just dazing out, just kind of staring. Things I normally only do when my wife is addressing something I do stupid. 😉 So I tell the wonderful woman that works in the office that I would be back later.

My cognitive function was getting worse. I do not like things that cause cognitive impairment on me. Light headed, little dazed, no big deal. Inability to think brings a level of concern to me. So I first stopped by this quick medical place. When I describe symptoms they tell me they cannot treat me there, that I needed to go to the ER. The even more concerning part, was she offered to call me an ambulance. So I start to head to ER, but decide that given my wife is home with a migraine, that I should probably go by house and get her to join me. Not because she has a migraine, but given she was close meant I might get a “look” if I did not bring her along.

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Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut,
and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.
Ogden Nash

Also in truth, I do not like ER visits. I try to avoid them. So if anything this buys me some time. So I got home and I checked my blood pressure. It was 170/103. This is not good. If you look up information, if the top number goes over 180 then I can have serious issues. If that lower number goes over 110, again I am in trouble. So what do I do? Remember I am a man. A stubborn man that cognitive ability has lowered. I go lay down in bed. Then ask my wife to call my doctor. She calls and Doc calls in scrip for blood pressure meds. My doctor has offered me them in past, but I declined because blood pressure only goes into hypertension a little on some readings. I should note that my Doctor is a woman, a wife, and a mother. I have been going to her for probably about 10 years now, so I have seen plenty of the “look” from her. So I’m really not looking forward to Monday’s appointment with her. 🙂

Here is where that story leads into my wife’s look. She tells me she talked to doctor office and made an appointment for Monday. I tell her but I plan to help Ron move someone on Monday. I just imagined every woman reading this just rolled their eyes. This of course brought the first look. So, I realize I do have an able bodied teenage son that could use a moving experience. So I ask him and he will be helping Ron. So I should be out of the woods on the looks correct? Well yes, if I could learn to keep my mouth shut.

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The honeymoon is over when he phones to say he’ll be late for supper and she’s already left a note that it’s in the refrigerator.
Bill Lawrence

Next I tell her that I had went by the medical place over on 159, but they said they could not treat me and recommended ER. I followed it with how I had started towards ER, but decided to come home first. Now, this only gets a raised eyebrow. The woman has lived with me for 20 years so far. This probably sounds about right for her husband. The “look” comes when I say that when I got home and noticed how bad her migraine still was, that I did not want to bother her about the ER. The “look” does not go into the high degrees yet, but I do get one. I may have gotten a lesser response because it would have been too painful for her to give me a higher degree “look” due to her migraine.

Once my blood pressure comes down and stays down for a decent amount of time, I go back to work to finish stuff I need to get done. I know what some of you are thinking, but no, I did not get a “look” for that. Again, she has been married to me for almost 20 years; this decision does not surprise her. My cognitive function is back and I feel no ill effects from anything. It is like nothing ever happened. No, I am not playing down the event, especially since it happened over about a 5 hour span of time. I am saying that all systems are functioning fine again, and so I need to get stuff done. I have a doctor’s appointment, and while I was at work they called and told me they had called in a script. Which I stopped working to go pick up and take.

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If it weren’t for marriage, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.

Unknown

The big look, which I doubt she realizes I saw because it was a high degree look of wanting to harm me, came while I was telling the kids about the event and etc. My son was first to be told about everything. Then my daughters. While talking to my daughters, I go through stuff and even mention that I have had issues past couple weeks. I then open my mouth and say I actually have had blood pressure spikes in past that I noticed, including an incident at walmart back while Grandpa was still alive where I got light headed and etc that I had to sit down. I took my blood pressure at one of those chairs and it showed 165 at the time. I remember the high number from then, but not the lower number. I all of a sudden feel the rapid escalation of “the look”, as well as daggers. She said nothing, but I know if she did not have a migraine my wife may have caused me bodily harm at that point. To my benefit, the previous events never lasted long but I was aware of them. As I said I have a blood pressure checker and I use it. Though I was surprised I did not get a few choice words from my wife, again this may be due to migraine, or by her view my stupidity exceeded words. 🙂

This time was first time I ever had this kind of cognitive impairment. I also wrote down everything after the event so that I can give it to doctor with precise account. My doctor almost always gets handed a sheet a paper when I walk in her office. In fact, she expects it now. I go in, hand her the sheet, she reads it, and then we talk. I believe in keeping accounts of what happens to me and things I have noticed with my thoughts on what it might mean sometimes. This way a professional can determine if it is an issue or not on various observations.

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I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences.
Brian Kiley

Men just understand that when your woman gives you the “look”, that women are crazy and men are stupid and women are crazy because well, we are stupid. 😉 Also since I took meds yesterday my blood pressure has been around 123/77 with a little variation. Best numbers I have ever seen for blood pressure in over 10 years of me taking readings. Both my parents had high blood pressure so it was probably inevitable I would end up on blood pressure meds I just should have allowed them sooner. This is the best I have felt physically in awhile.

Thank you for your time and I hope you have a wonderful day.

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“Show me a man who is smiling from ear-to-ear and living a beautiful life,

and I’ll show you a man who is grateful for what he has and utterly in love with his wife.”
-Fawn Weaver

Some of the pictures in this blog in particular the ones taken of my wife and I together were taken by my daughter.

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