An emotional lead up to Mother’s day.


“Some people grumble that roses have thorns; I am grateful that thorns have roses.” 
― Alphonse Karr

Last Sunday I got in a mood and I was not sure why. There were a few things that came up that could have started the mood and I thought maybe it was a compilation of those events that caused it. Which they may have been, but this was not my normal moody behavior due to events such as those that presented themselves.

My wife had a migraine Monday, and given I am connected to my wife in such a way that when she gets things like migraines, it effects me as well. So I thought maybe the mood that started the day before was just a prelude to her migraine on Monday. I went for a drive and went to Baldwin Lake. It is a lovely little lake and it did help get me out of the mood for the most part. Though a little lingered still.

“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” 

-Phyllis Diller

I then realized when it really started. It had started Saturday. We were with friends in St. Charles and doing Main Street there. We went into one shop with a rather friendly and talkative shop owner. There were signs everywhere about Mother’s day throughout the store. I was looking at a beautiful wolf statue. I love wolves. My wife pointed out a horse that had a wolf painted on it. Even now I am starting to get emotional trying to type this. See my mother loved horses. She had a big collection of horse statues and the previous Christmas I had bought her a horse with native american motif painted on it by the exact same brand that my wife showed me with the wolf.

In that same area was a whole bunch of horse statues. If my mother were still alive, then I would have bought her one of those statues. I always looked for unique horse statues that I thought she would love. Then, as I attempted to avoid that area, I moved to the front of the store. The store owner mentioned I should buy my mother something nice for Mother’s day. He then made a joke that I should get something for her that I would like so that way I would get it when she passed. He was meaning it as a joke but I must have had a look because he followed it with that he should shut up while he was ahead.

“Everybody wants to save the Earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.” —P.J. O’Rourke

That shop was where my mood actually had started. It just had started in my subconscious in that peripheral view, just out of sight but impacts you and sets in slowly. Then I got home to more things to deal with, and the snow ball started rolling. Then constant reminders of Mother’s day all around me, which I tried to focus on my wife and Mother’s day, and her mother, plus all the other wonderful mothers out there, but a part of me kept hurting. Even now I am crying a little as I write this and have to take pauses.

I think last year when my mother passed away, it was close enough to Mother’s day that I had not quite recovered from the shock of losing her, that it did not have quite the same impact. Last year I was so busy trying to deal with everything presented me because my father had already passed a year and a half before, and now I was trying to settle an estate and etc, that it just never really set in quite as this year has. Then paired with the various events over the past year and the various realities that I have had to face. This Mother’s day just slipped in and opened up that loss I thought I had controlled. All because I couldn’t buy my mother a unique horse for her collection like I would want to for Mother’s day.

“Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall; A mother’s secret hope outlives them all.”

Oliver Wendell Holmes

You know, my dad always said it was interesting raising me with me being an emotional child. It is pretty hard being that emotional child sometimes. I mean all the overwhelming emotion caused a breakdown last year, which just a few months ago I got off the meds from. Though my doctor did make a point that it seemed I was double grieving with both parents passing so close together, and that my attention after dad passed was on my mother. I had not truly grieved my father because I was making sure mom was taken care of, so when I lost my mother it opened me up to both losses.

So this week has been hills and valleys for me on the emotional roller coaster that is me. Though I have managed pretty well. Once I got past those first few days, it has been okay. Though getting out to nature always helps balance me. Monday was a perfect day for me to get in some nature and just open myself up to being guided where I needed to be.

Tuesday when I did some cleaning at home I found a wall decal I had bought a couple months ago. I put it on the wall. It states “Enjoy this moment, for this moment is your life”. Every moment you are alive is precious and we should be happy for those moments. Live for now, not the past or future. My parents were both in their 60s when they passed. My father always had big ideas for retirement which he got to do some of them, but it would have been so much more beautiful if he had taken the time throughout life to do those things.

This is the song I had played at end of Mom’s funeral.

She loved Dean Martin and the song was so fitting for her.

“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” — Erma Bombeck

My mother always said that it did not matter how big I was or how old I was that I always be her little boy. When I chose to stay home with my kids, she supported me. When I chose to homeschool them, she supported me as well. She may have had her flaws, as we all do, but she was a beautiful woman. In her later years she would constantly tell me just how proud she was of me and the man I had become. It was hard to lose her last year given I had just started to watch her truly blossom into something rather beautiful. Though I know she missed dad dearly.

So now that you muddled through my rambling. I want to say to all the mothers, Happy Mother’s Day. I hope you truly have a blessed day on Mother’s day. Also, I hope you appreciate just how beautiful you are and how beautiful your children are no matter what difficulty they may toss before you. You have more impact on your children than you may ever know. Thank you for being special people that do all that you do and show the love you do to your precious bundles that no matter how old they become will always be your little one. 🙂

“My mother was a reader, and she read to us. She read us Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde when I was six and my brother was eight; I never forgot it.” —Stephen King


Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers that read this. Thank you for all you bring to this world. Mother’s day might be the national day to celebrate that beautiful contribution you bring but every day is Mother’s day in a child’s heart and you are celebrated always not just on that one day. Even if it does not always feel that way. So again, I hope you have a blessed day and may it be truly as special as you.

Thank you to everyone for taking the time to read. I hope you all have a blessed day.

The top picture is because my mother absolutely loved roses. I even have some of her roses from her house planted here now.



 “My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.” —  Mark Twain




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