The Kindness Agenda

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I’ve seen throughout my life people with agendas and with their own idea of what needs or should be done.  People that focus on what they want and only do something as a means to an end to get their own project or passion done.   A memorable learning experience for me was when I was 16 working and a co-worker played to my kindness and told me how he needed to get out of there and if I would help him get his job done, he would then help me. I helped him and yet nothing ever came about for him helping me. In fact, the manager had a discussion with me about why my job wasn’t done in time and when I told him about the co-worker he said that wasn’t his problem.

A problem with being kind and having a caring heart is people can and will take advantage of that kind heart whether intentional or not. They also may never realize the scars it leaves in the individual that they took advantage of.  I’ve met people that have become very jaded for that very reason believing people are just out to use them. I actively attempt to not be that way.  I reason out things and believe that sometimes people become so focused on their own passion, agenda, or pain that they just don’t realize that they are using or hurting someone else.

I see people want things done for them yet they put off doing things for others because they just don’t have time for it or they have different focuses. They want this, they want that, but when it comes to what someone else wants it is pushed to the side because it doesn’t align with their own agenda.  I always wondered how this worked out for those people. How do you get other people to care about your project or passion when you don’t show the same regard for theirs?  Just something I’ve wondered.

I wonder how many walk away from something going “I’ll never do that again” because they’ve felt used or hurt because they wanted to help but were only used then put to the side until needed again.  I’ve seen the scenario over and over in my life. I even have people in my life that the only time I hear from them is when they need something, but when I need something they are conveniently unavailable.  How do you live your life that way?  Yes sometimes I just am not available to help or can’t for one reason or another but if I can I will.

How do you walk through life with a “it’s about me” attitude? How do you only see the world as what you need?  How is it that only your agenda matters?  I don’t know.  The other problem I have is I have a good long term memory, my short term well not so good.  Though long term can be a little too clear sometimes. I can remember someone standing at a door telling me that what I want to get done they can’t think about right now and don’t have time for, but what they wanted done was suppose to be my priority.   You don’t have time for me yet I’m suppose to have time for you.

I see this in many things where communication just doesn’t happen between people that things just don’t get done. Each person has their own agenda and all they hear is from that agenda and don’t see a bigger picture.  I have always been a kind soul and yes, sensitive, sometimes a little too sensitive. I take things to heart, and I remember hurts, even if I forgive or reason them out, I remember them.   I’ve been told by my father, uncles, and other males that I need a thicker skin or need to just ignore what happens.

I don’t do that. I feel, I experience, and I care.  It makes life hard sometimes because even a little comment can make me wonder what it meant and I will sit and try to discern it.  I care about people, about their feelings, their thoughts, and their emotions.  This also opens me up to be hurt which has happened many times in my life. Yet I still persist in caring because I’ve also experienced love, connection, and amazing beautiful people.  I’ve heard amazing stories and been able to heal others and help others.  I have no agenda in this life but to experience life and to help others.  The projects, passions, and so forth of mine have a reason and a purpose but they do not supercede someone else’s projects and passions.  I see the worth in their works as much as I do my own.

Life would work so much better if people communicated better and helped each other without regard to their own agenda or what they could get from someone.
I was watching the first episode of “Psych” the other night and the police detective was inquiring of the main character why they had so many jobs over time.  His simple comment was “for the experience”. They saw the individual could have been valedictorian and even commented how the main character could be head of IBM which his response was “why would I want to be that”. I really liked that moment because it is how I am.  I do things for the experience and while I could be something bigger, I like using my talents to help others and I like that my experiences have helped me to help others.

I just wish other people learned to use their talents to help others instead of for their own gain.

When I leave this world, I want to know that I made other souls feel better that I helped others and that some stranger that I spoke to briefly someplace may see my photo in the obituary and say “hey, that’s the guy that took time to listen and helped me”.

I’ve walked this earth most of my life broken myself, so really all I want when I leave is to know that I helped fix a small part of the broken in others.

Though given I’m an INFP personality type which Keirsey referred to as the healers , I guess it makes sense that my desire is that my memory left in others is my kindness and that I helped in some way.

 

Thank you for taking the time to read.

“As soon as healing takes place, go out and heal somebody else.”   Maya Angelou

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